skaterbrain | ☆13 [voice]

☆13 [voice]

[It's been awhile since they all returned from the draft. Beat spent most of that time being anywhere but home, not contacting anyone, not doing anything, but trying to figure out where she'd come back at and wait there. But he doesn't know, doesn't even know how much longer it'll be until she comes back. And eventually he knows he has to tell people where they've been.]

...she didn't make it. Ribbons, I know you got us that stuff, but...

...

'm sorry, guys.

I'm sorry, Rhyme.

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She will be back.

[ It's the truth. But maybe it will also be some measure of consolation. ]

[Grk--! He doesn't know how to react to you of all people trying to console him, Joshua.

....But somehow it just makes him sadder.]

Don't make it any easier when she's gone though.

[ Hey, Joshua cares for his Players. Even when they sock him in the face. ]

It should. As much pain as you're feeling, within a week it will mostly be gone. Under normal circumstances, those affected by a death are not so lucky. Even as you wait, it something to be grateful for.

Edited 2013-04-09 05:07 (UTC)

[Totally earned it.]

...This some jab about yo' Game again?

Look, I know, aight? I know death ain't no big deal here, but she's gonna lose somethin' 'cause of me. Again. That ain't a pain that's gonna be gone in no stupid week.

But is the price of the loss worth having her back for?

If I could lose it in her place, I'd give up everythin' I got.

Those are the same feelings she had when she pushed you, you know.

--nngh......

[Goddammit, Joshua. Goddamn you for always being right.]

....So why can't she just-- ....I. ......

[I just wish once she'd let me save her instead of the other way around.]

Because she still cares for you.

[ And you keep getting yourself in these situations but that's not the part that Beat needs to hear right now. ]

Still cares even though I'm a crappy brother. Go ahead an' say it. I already know you thinkin' it.

She still cares about you even having lost what she has.

It ain't fair that she loses everythin'. Every time we go through it, she's the only one who gotta suffer and it ain't right!

[He punches a nearby tree and sinks to the ground, taking the journal with him.]

...it just ain't right.

Life isn't fair. Neither is death. But don't think if you were to suffer, it would mean she wouldn't. And don't act like your current pain is nothing, either.

It ain't nothin' compared to what she had to go through, aight?

[She died. Right in his arms. In pain. There wasn't anything worse than that. She died apologizing.

Goddammit.]

...Look, you and me? We ain't on good terms. But you an' her? I don't like it, but she likes you. You see her 'fore me, you take care of her, you got it?

You may not feel it compares, but it still is there.

When are you expecting her back?

3 days from now.

[Still three days off.]

...I dunno where she gonna show up, so keep your eyes open.

Things would be so much simpler if we did.

You're over halfway through the worst of it.

Says you.

[Why do people think that the worst is when the person is dead? As much as Beat wants her back, he also knows that seeing her means having to watch her suffer through whatever she's lost. She lost her dreams before. And her memories of him. What else can this place take from her?]

Look, you just-- ...Just whatever. Do whatever.

... Would you rather she were gone for good?

[ He never thought you'd be the type, Beat. ]

No. Donchu put those damn ugly words in my mouth, Rainbows! You take that back!

Then explain it. How is this not the worst of it if you want her to come back, penalty and all?

You ain't gonna get it even if I explain it to you. You ain't never had to deal wit' what we go through.

Maybe, maybe not. Try me anyway.

[ Because he's seen a lot. ]

Aight, but don't blame me if you don't get it.

Look, worst is over for me in her bein' gone, yeah. Sure, I get that.

But what about her? You think comin' back here wit' all that weighin' on her gonna be easy? She's always tried to be strong an' keep her chin up, even when things got rough. Last time it was quick.

[Painful as shit as he recalls, but it was quick. A flash of pain and then they woke up in the Scramble.]

....It's hard 'nuff comin' back once, but it's gonna be twice for her. She got three things she missing now. How the hell is havin' your life carved out from under you easy?

No one said it's easy. But most would say it's not as hard as being gone. She's missing those things in exchange for life. Those are three prices for three lives that all should have ended without a second though. She gave up what she did so that both of you could have another chance.

Living without them may not be easy. But it's still living. And if you think she values what she lost more than she values you, then you're underestimating her and yourself.