skaterbrain | ☆13 [voice]

☆13 [voice]

[It's been awhile since they all returned from the draft. Beat spent most of that time being anywhere but home, not contacting anyone, not doing anything, but trying to figure out where she'd come back at and wait there. But he doesn't know, doesn't even know how much longer it'll be until she comes back. And eventually he knows he has to tell people where they've been.]

...she didn't make it. Ribbons, I know you got us that stuff, but...

...

'm sorry, guys.

I'm sorry, Rhyme.

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She still cares about you even having lost what she has.

It ain't fair that she loses everythin'. Every time we go through it, she's the only one who gotta suffer and it ain't right!

[He punches a nearby tree and sinks to the ground, taking the journal with him.]

...it just ain't right.

Life isn't fair. Neither is death. But don't think if you were to suffer, it would mean she wouldn't. And don't act like your current pain is nothing, either.

It ain't nothin' compared to what she had to go through, aight?

[She died. Right in his arms. In pain. There wasn't anything worse than that. She died apologizing.

Goddammit.]

...Look, you and me? We ain't on good terms. But you an' her? I don't like it, but she likes you. You see her 'fore me, you take care of her, you got it?

You may not feel it compares, but it still is there.

When are you expecting her back?

3 days from now.

[Still three days off.]

...I dunno where she gonna show up, so keep your eyes open.

Things would be so much simpler if we did.

You're over halfway through the worst of it.

Says you.

[Why do people think that the worst is when the person is dead? As much as Beat wants her back, he also knows that seeing her means having to watch her suffer through whatever she's lost. She lost her dreams before. And her memories of him. What else can this place take from her?]

Look, you just-- ...Just whatever. Do whatever.

... Would you rather she were gone for good?

[ He never thought you'd be the type, Beat. ]

No. Donchu put those damn ugly words in my mouth, Rainbows! You take that back!

Then explain it. How is this not the worst of it if you want her to come back, penalty and all?

You ain't gonna get it even if I explain it to you. You ain't never had to deal wit' what we go through.

Maybe, maybe not. Try me anyway.

[ Because he's seen a lot. ]

Aight, but don't blame me if you don't get it.

Look, worst is over for me in her bein' gone, yeah. Sure, I get that.

But what about her? You think comin' back here wit' all that weighin' on her gonna be easy? She's always tried to be strong an' keep her chin up, even when things got rough. Last time it was quick.

[Painful as shit as he recalls, but it was quick. A flash of pain and then they woke up in the Scramble.]

....It's hard 'nuff comin' back once, but it's gonna be twice for her. She got three things she missing now. How the hell is havin' your life carved out from under you easy?

No one said it's easy. But most would say it's not as hard as being gone. She's missing those things in exchange for life. Those are three prices for three lives that all should have ended without a second though. She gave up what she did so that both of you could have another chance.

Living without them may not be easy. But it's still living. And if you think she values what she lost more than she values you, then you're underestimating her and yourself.

God dammit! But why's it always gotta be her?! Can you answer me that?!

Why's it always gotta be her to lose somethin'?! Why's she gotta keep hurtin' like this?! Where the hell's the justice in all this?!

Because she's still willing to make the sacrifices for that. And life isn't always fair.

Yeah, well it's shit! It's all a load of crap!

It's...

It's just...

It's all stupid.

Yes. It's stupid. It's irrational, and it's unfair. It's random, cruel, and difficult.

But all the same, it's worth living. That's why the two of you struggle onwards, isn't it?

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